I want to stick my p in your. b.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
