She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
