remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
