I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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