you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
