i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize