What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
