the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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