Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize