True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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