The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
