Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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