I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
