pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
