Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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