I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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