New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
