and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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