Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
