Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
