i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
