Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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