WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
