I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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