I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
