im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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