I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
