my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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