At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
