i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
