great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
