Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
