My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
