Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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