You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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