It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
