My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
