I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
