if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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