Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
one two three fourrrrnication!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
