I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
