youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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