last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
