So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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