If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
