I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
