Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
