I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
