Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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