Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
