you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.