Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
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Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.