got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
