It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed