its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I'm just crazy horny about you
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.