hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize