why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
