I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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