your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
