Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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