Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
