Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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