I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
