she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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