Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
