You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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