Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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