remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
