we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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