it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
