What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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