I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
