my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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