I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
