I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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