Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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