1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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