Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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