I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
