He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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