we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
