why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
