people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
