I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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